compromised values
What a dream state it is to be with the one I love.
I am so happy Adrien and I are in eachothers lives now.
We moved her up from LA this weekend after an intense
"see ya later" get togethers with ALL her old friends there,and her
family, and some amazing gifts from her friends. It was so exciting to see her couragously embrace some intense changes in her life. In fact, she even drove
on the freeway for the first time in her life, and drove half of the trip because she love it so much (and she used to fear it so much!). WOW, what a strong woman!
I noticed my attention to her and the things that I love in
life, and especially my core values, are having to change and
be ignored because of the intensity of my life with law school right
now. i have to work 30 hours a week and study ALL the rest of the time
and it is starting to worry me and Adrien, and several other people in my life.
It is not healthy. Period.
After a long talk with Adrien, we made it clear there is a mutual value between us
to follow our hearts, and not money. Is the law anything more than money for me? Well, yes, it is...it is a chance for me to prove to myself, and my parents, and everybody else who has ever doubted me, that I am doing something worthy with my life.
after realizing that, with the help of Adrien's questioning, i have
realized that the law is something that I am not doing for the pure love of it. I think there are some other reasons I am doing it. Money, and affirmation. Hmmm...not who I am at the core of me.If I truly believe in myself, and if I truly am not worried about money, i would probably find myself either doing photography, or being an EMT.
Law school is thrilling no doubt. It has made me feel so good inside the past two weeks, to realize I can actually do law school. I am smart enough. But maybe just knowing that, and revaluaitng why i am going will save me many years, of compromised values.
posted by Ryan Mlynarczyk at 9:30 AM
4 Comments:
So, are you thinking of quitting?
I have more thoughts. I'll be back in a little bit.
Ok--I'm sharing this from my own experience, not dictating to you any sort of "absolute truth", so please bear that in mind if I sound like I'm preaching.
I think when life gets difficult, it doesn't change your core values, not should you ignore those values, rather, use them to help you through the hard spots. For example, if one of your core values is honesty, then be honest about the amount of time it will take to do your homework. If another core value is making sure you have sufficient QUALITY family time, then make sure the time you do have wiht your family (i.e. Adrien) is QUALITY, not just quantity.
Secondly, I don't think it's possible to do anything "for the pure love of it", but you should absolutely listen to the inner voices if they're saying you don't even *like* the thing!
From a completely selfish POV, I'd be very sorry to see you leave law school. I have no doubt from the first time I met you that you'd be a great lawyer. From a less selfish POV, and more realistic one, I'd be sorry to see you go because you're young and are possibly walking away from an opportunity of a lifetime (that isn't to say you couldn't start again later, just that it would be much harder...).
continued...
Ok, so let me back up now and share an external perspective with you:
I met you in March and the only experience we have of each other is as first year law students.
I have gleaned a bit about you from your comments in class, and was pleased to see my assumptions confirmed in this blog (earthboy!).
Based on my initial assumptions about your character, I further assumed you were in law school so you could work from WITHIN the system to affect change. I always figured you'd be an environmental watch-dog sort of lawyer.
I must say, if you leave, I'll send you with blessings and well wishes, but as a citizen of this big ol' blue marble, I will be sorry for losing you as one of our strongest advocates.
Enough guilt already, I guess... I'm going to go finish my homework now.
Final note: I also work too many hours and I am a single mom. It CAN be done if the drive is there. If the drive isn't there, then don't make excuses, just quit before you've lost that much more time and become that much deeper in debt. ;)
I hope to see you this evening in class.
hey ryan,
i'm glad to hear another friend write about their experience of making a possitive change in their life.
there's a quote i heard from a show, Grey's Anatomy. Paraphrasing one of the interns going through their first year residency as surgeon, "I can't think of one reason why I want to be a surgeon, but I'm sure I'm going to run into a million reason why I should not be one."
Whether we go in to medicine, nursing, or law, I think the doubt about our reason will always be there. But if we somehow feel or think or hear that inner voice telling us what path we need to follow and actually listen, then that's as good of a reason for me to keep going.
I hope you will do that also.
I can't say much about balancing love life and studying... as well as working. I can't even imagine juggling what you have in your hands. But if the drive is there, I believe you can do it.
Don't be afraid to face those questions... those doubts; challenge them instead. Facing them will only refine your reasons for the choices you've made.
I'm glad you're going through this and sharing it with me (and others out there)
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