I'm a statistic
reasons for stopping law school are PILING up. I met with California State Assembly Woman Noreen Evans (D) Santa Rosa, today, and talked to her all about law school and the environment. She is a lawyer as well, and she has an interest in environmental issues. She warned me that enviornmental law is so dull and difficult, and of course void of any money to be made, that she pretty much made me second guess law school.
Adrien got sick this week, and in the middle of the night started complaining. As i realized that I had a 12 hour day ahead of me and i was worried about getting behind in law class (as I already am way behind), and I was worried about my finances as I have barely enought to survive, and I have lots of law books still to buy (probably $1000+ worth). So anyways, i snapped at Adrien,
"I have to get some sleep and law school and work is more important than me helping you with your stomach ache right now".
Well, i blew it. That was absolutely the worst fear i had of what the stress of law school would do to me. And it is only the third week. Granted i hear the stress gets less as law school goes on, but right now...it's HELL.
It's such unfortunate timing for me, as first off, i have bad credit, and couldn't get a loan for law school so i have to work to pay for it all at once. That makes it almost impossible to have a healthy life.
It's also bad timing as i just met the love of my life. I am so happy, and so joyous when I am myself around Adrien that I know she is my soulmate. When i get in law school mode...she becomes second priority and it really makes our relationship suffer. She isn't that needy either which is the wierd thing, but it's just so difficult for me to cut her out of my life so much to study. I think we need a year to just be together and develop our tender love into a solid rock.
Here's the big thing about law school that is driving me nuts. I am not following my heart. And it is becoming very apparent to me. I have this nagging feeling that if I didn't have to worry about money, that I would not be going to law school. I would most definitely be pursuing photography. EMT work would be my way to make ends meet if photography didn't pay the bills. But if I can do law school, which I know I can now, I can definitely become a successful photographer.
i also want to live sustainably, and simply. If that is all I need than why do i need to go to law school and try to make lots of money, and have to deal with all the stress of the law? I don't!
i am realizing that I am in it for the security. I think the other part of it is that I need to feel adequate. Being able to accomplish law school makes me feel adequate. I think the reason i have felt inadequate is due to my parents. If I felt completly adequate with who i am, i would definitely not be in law school, as it is too much stress.
so in sum, i feel like I have washed out, I have sold myself out, by thinking that I need to go to law school. i think if i grow some balls, and just take a risk and believe in myself and follow my heart, i will pursue the art of photography.
i think i am going to throw the towel in on law school, this year while I develop my relationship and my photography. Maybe there can be another chance for law school next year if the cirumstances are better.
so that's it. I'm a statistic now. I QUIT!
Adrien got sick this week, and in the middle of the night started complaining. As i realized that I had a 12 hour day ahead of me and i was worried about getting behind in law class (as I already am way behind), and I was worried about my finances as I have barely enought to survive, and I have lots of law books still to buy (probably $1000+ worth). So anyways, i snapped at Adrien,
"I have to get some sleep and law school and work is more important than me helping you with your stomach ache right now".
Well, i blew it. That was absolutely the worst fear i had of what the stress of law school would do to me. And it is only the third week. Granted i hear the stress gets less as law school goes on, but right now...it's HELL.
It's such unfortunate timing for me, as first off, i have bad credit, and couldn't get a loan for law school so i have to work to pay for it all at once. That makes it almost impossible to have a healthy life.
It's also bad timing as i just met the love of my life. I am so happy, and so joyous when I am myself around Adrien that I know she is my soulmate. When i get in law school mode...she becomes second priority and it really makes our relationship suffer. She isn't that needy either which is the wierd thing, but it's just so difficult for me to cut her out of my life so much to study. I think we need a year to just be together and develop our tender love into a solid rock.
Here's the big thing about law school that is driving me nuts. I am not following my heart. And it is becoming very apparent to me. I have this nagging feeling that if I didn't have to worry about money, that I would not be going to law school. I would most definitely be pursuing photography. EMT work would be my way to make ends meet if photography didn't pay the bills. But if I can do law school, which I know I can now, I can definitely become a successful photographer.
i also want to live sustainably, and simply. If that is all I need than why do i need to go to law school and try to make lots of money, and have to deal with all the stress of the law? I don't!
i am realizing that I am in it for the security. I think the other part of it is that I need to feel adequate. Being able to accomplish law school makes me feel adequate. I think the reason i have felt inadequate is due to my parents. If I felt completly adequate with who i am, i would definitely not be in law school, as it is too much stress.
so in sum, i feel like I have washed out, I have sold myself out, by thinking that I need to go to law school. i think if i grow some balls, and just take a risk and believe in myself and follow my heart, i will pursue the art of photography.
i think i am going to throw the towel in on law school, this year while I develop my relationship and my photography. Maybe there can be another chance for law school next year if the cirumstances are better.
so that's it. I'm a statistic now. I QUIT!
posted by Ryan Mlynarczyk at 2:56 PM
4 Comments:
I think you make some really good points. When I encouraged you to stay a couple weeks ago, I didn't know all the factors (two huge ones of course are the money and the need to "succeed", as defined by someone else).
The money you need to live will come when you need it, whether you become an attorney or not. And if you decide you want to come back to laws school in a year or two or ten, then the money for that will appear, too.
Most importantly (well, aside from solidifying your new relationship) I think it's healthier for you follow your dreams than it is for you to do something because you imagine it will win you some external praise.
I'm really going to miss you, Ryan. I felt like we were becoming friends--and who knows, maybe through blogging we WILL become friends (god knows I've met some great people this way). Just the day-to-day stuff, I dunno, I felt like I clicked with you better than anyone else in our class. But MY selfishness should absolutely not be a consideration. ;)
Enjoy your weekend, Ry. And next week, on Tuesday evening when we have to listen to Pozzi until 9:00 at night, crawl in bed early and cuddle with your lover. You'll know then that you've made the right choice. :)
I hope to see you around still!
Hey. I've been thinking about you all evening. This can't have been an easy decision, so I tried to call to make sure you're doing ok. I left a message on your answering machine at home as well as on your cell phone, but I haven't heard back from you yet.
I hope you're well. Send me an email or come by my blog or something, ok? Really... I'm worried about you.
You're not any more a statistic now than you were on Thursday or on the day you were born. Quit saying that.
i know how hard it is to "quit" something that you thought was going to give you all of these things that you thought you wanted. i did that when i went to grad school and i realized that i went back for all the wrong reasons (money...blah...blah...blah) so yeah quitting that was terribly disheartening and it made me feel like crap about myself but a year later i have found a job that i love and don't regret a thing. hang in their ryan...i hope you are doing well...e-mail me when you get a chance
kim (MSOE)
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